3.30.2016

1 Month Pictures & A Short Blurb on recovery

The classic frown of his before erupts in tears. It is pretty dang cute!
Just started sticking his tongue out more!

Oh goodness. You know what? I was planning on writing this whole post about my recovery, but then I decided I just don't want to. It is THAT Rough. This was about the time I was still pretty low with my body. I was actually past the numbness/tingling pain I had felt in my head down to my hand. I did have horrible anxiety about dying (yes, I really did...felt like I didn't know what was wrong with me and then every little thing seemed like a huge thing and gave me an anxiety attack), and I wasn't having a letdown sensation in my throat that made me feel like I wasn't going to be able to breathe. Luckily all that and a few more weird things were done. Had to type it in quick so I could remember at least those, but I don't want to go in full detail, because maybe I will forget some of it haha. I still couldn't really walk around like normal, and I was still in a ton of pain. It hurt to stand, sit, lay. I still wasn't eating at the dinner table, and would eat laying or trying to sit comfortably on the couch. I had many crying moments up until probably 8 weeks postpartum. I definitely have less now, but I think it just sometimes takes a long time to heal. I actually have not cared one bit about not fitting into certain clothes. Sure it is surprising I couldn't fit into ANY of my skirts, but I don't actually mind that. I found that I didn't care about my flabby stomach, or my stretch marks, all I cared about was feeling better. I couldn't feel when I had to go pee, and I felt all sorts of pain, and stinging down in there. I ended up having a giant cyst on my tailbone on top of having so many stitches trying to heal. Oh and hemorrhoids. So I couldn't really do a whole lot at this point. I do think the cyst was the worst pain out of everything. I would wake up at 3 am and just get in the tub because I needed some relief. The things you don't know about recovery! I still have hemorrhoids at 3 months postpartum (hoping thats what it is), and that they go away enough eventually or I may get surgery. I also may have a prolapsed something in my vagina, but I am going to wait that one out to see if I see improvements in the next few months. Trying to give myself more TIME. Because that has proved to be super important during this trial. I love Peter and Taylor so much. They were there for me every second of the way. I was super, super sad, but they kept me from really getting depressed. I am so grateful that I had a spouse that I felt understood me completely and exactly what I was going through, and how I felt. I am so grateful for all of the wonderful friends, meals, and random acts of kindness we have received. It truly is amazing. I am so grateful for the body I do have, and what improvements I have made already. I am so grateful to my Mom. She did so much energy work, and helped me so much in my recovery both emotionally and physically. Thank you to all my family who supported me, reached out to me, and showed me their love. 


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